Griffin and Stella

After an eventful Christmas with the O'Rear clan, Great Luci and the KnipPosse (pictures to follow,) Jake and I took G Dawg to meet some friends from back in tha day (McK!) at Scotty D's place in Magnolia Woods. A lovely young lady named Stella Noland was there with her parents Matt and Beth. Griffin and Stella hit it off as well as one year olds do. Basically, they sat near each other and ignored one another, despite having a lot in common, like a preference for applesauce and banging spoons on tupperware. Luckily, I caught a brief conversation on film as they used the computer keyboard to mix some grooves.

If you listen very closely, you can hear Griffin say "Yeeeaaahh." To which Stella replies "awwwriiite." Awful cute! Here she is mugging for my camera.

Griffin on the Go

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house....

I thought you might want to see Griffin's mad toddling skillz. He can handle steps (sort of) and his army crawl is skillful and speedy. Plus, the Holiday pajamas Granny Lynn picked up for him add to the charm of his wobbly little walk. Also, check out the hella cool Learning Train Station Grammy Barb found at a garage sale for $5. That's some pimp sh#&$@t!

Bouncing Babies

Dear gawd, the internet has been down at the O'Rear's and many of the Griffin Aficionados have been living in the dark, without a shining ray of Baby G to brighten their day. Just to make y'all smile again, I'm posting some super cute pictures of Grifferino bouncing along at "Bouncing Tigers" a Lindsey's inflatable paradise (for all y'all who remember Lindsey's Birthday Parties in Baton Rouge.) It was a blast and for $3.50, it was a great way to kill an hour and a half. Oh, AND Griffin was so worn out, he slept for 2 1/2 hours. Yee-ha!

Granny Lynn organized the event and a variety of Buttons and Button-related folks were in attendance- notably my cousin Alicia and her adorable little monkey, Asher, who is two years older than Griffin, almost to the date. Asher modeled all kinds of walking, talking and monkey business and G Dawg was enthralled with his mad skillz. In return, Griffin's varied diet and snack of oranges, grapes and lentils inspired Asher to eat some fruit, much to the excitement of his parents. What is it about three year olds and the "Beige" diet?

Although Griffin was too young to go inside the big bouncy toys, there was plenty of wobbly fun for him to have and Jake did an amazing job of tossing him about. I fretted over contrecoup brain injuries, but determined that Griffin was having too much fun to be too mangled. (This Mama watches too much CSI, so she knows all about petechial hemorrhages, contrecoup brain injuries and GSR- gunshot residue and Grissom-Sidle-Romance.) Halfway through my pregnancy I had to start TiVo-ing a wide variety of gruesome murder shows. Kimmie knows what I'm talking about.

Back to the Bounce- There were a lot of older kids there and I enjoyed telling the Big Boys (4-6) to go roughhouse on some other toy and be really careful around the baby. Ever since I started teaching, I LOVE telling other people's kids what to do. "Is headfirst the way we go down the slide? Please use your indoor voices, the baby is sleeping. A spork is not a toy. We need to be quiet little ninjas, or we will make the baby cry." Ooooohhh, I love making children behave! It gives me such a sense of purpose.

Christmas Birthdays

So today is MY Birthday. I'm turning thirty-one. Woo-hoo! I'm so excited I want to go back to bed. Having always been afflicted with a Christmas Birthday, I am used to the cold weather, the holiday music, the combo present and all my friends being out of town/visiting Grandma on my special day. Like Griffin, I also came early, ruining Mom's maternity leave and arrived early the Thursday before Christmas (I was only HALF as early as G Dawg, though, and didn't have to make a detour through the NICU.) As if there wasn't already enough going on this week, I had to add to the chaos by sandwiching my already maligned BDay between my darling son and this Jesus guy. At least I waited until I was thirty to throw Griffin into the mix and it coincides with Birthdays not being so cool anymore.

I may just pack up my Birthday and move it to a more pleasant season, like midsummer, since no one really cares how old I am anyway. My plan is to celebrate my Thirtieth Birthday next summer (since I was in the hospital recovering from a C Section this time last year) and perhaps fool everyone into thinking I am younger than I actually am.

Alright, enough about me. I know you all really want to hear about Griffin and how well he can use a straw!

Lest we forget...

Lest we forget how far we've come, this is Griffin one year ago today. All tubes and ties and one tiny little baby lost under all the medical devices. Not to be maudlin, but in any other time period, or many other countries, Griffin and I would have died and none of this would have been possible. Now I have an idea of what my Dad meant when he talked about his "Bonus Rounds" and he had many.

Say a little prayer to the God or Goddess of your choice for all the new babies spending their Christmas in the NICU and the parents sitting next to the isolettes, changing diapers through hand openings and moving wires to kiss their wee ones. To mark the occasion, I will delete the NICU number on my cell phone, where it has lived for this last year. I would call every night after his 3 am feeding to see how many CCs of milk he took through his GI tube. Now he's eating grapes and crackers (and leaves and tinsel,) drinking through a straw and going down stairs backwards (most of the time.)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, Y'ALL!!!

Griffin Turns One!!!

Griffin's Baton Rouge Birthday was a huge success. The Grandmas of Griffin (GOG) really outdid themselves, making seafood chowder (shrimp, crawfish and crab- Thanks Lynn!) crab and artichoke dip (Barbara) and spinach dip in a bread bowl (Cindy's standard crowd pleaser,) among a horde of other delectable offerings. In typical Louisiana fashion, the food was delicious, vast and fattening. The weather was a balmy 76 and Louisiana was coming through for us.

Griffin was the only baby at the party, but that seemed to suit him just fine. He had the attention of his adoring Grandmothers, his Great Grandma Luci, Jake's sister Kati and my myriad of siblings. Even Uncle MJ made an appearance! Karin and Katie were celebrating with us and Aunt Sandy and Dianne brought fabulous toys for G Dawg. Again, Griffin preferred to massage his cake rather than snarfing as much as he could before Jake moved in with the kale. A highlight was Aunt Kati accidentally dropping the cake on the patio, but everyone knows Doberge doesn't have to be pretty to taste good! G Dawg didn't even notice. Plus, it wasn't like Griffin was turning five and Bob the Builder got decapitated when the cake hit the ground. (Can we build it? Uh, no.)

Something you don't think about while you're party planning for your baby's first (or much at all that first year) is yourself. Somewhere around seven the night before, I realized that I was about to celebrate my one year anniversary of being a Mama, and although I wasn't expecting a cake, it was kind of a big deal. The first Birthday of your firstborn has a special feeling because it was the day you and your partner embarked on this wild ride through parenthood. What a long, strange trip it's been. And we haven't even hit potty training yet.

Babies Were Taunted In The Making Of This Video

Call me old-fashioned, but I believe babies need frequent taunting. Like cats, babies are very silly creatures who take themselves very seriously. Therefore, it is critical to taunt them often and thoroughly, as this is the only known cure. They can be taunted with any number of ordinary household objects, such as strings, feathers, stuffed animals, rolled-up socks, kitchen utensils and sparkly party favors. It must be noted that babies, unlike cats, lack claws or pointy teeth and often enjoy being taunted.

I also fully support humans under the age of three being dressed in ridiculous outfits for the amusement of their parents. Although, I think that such silliness must go both ways and you may just have to let them dress like pirates and mermaids to go to the grocery store.

First Big Boy Carseat

This is what the TrueFit Convertible Carseat in Chocolate looks like with a hella cute baby wearing Halloween pajamas in it. We're not actually in the car, mind you, we're in Griffin's room at six in the morning pretending we're going somewhere but really we're not because it's too f%@#$!ng early and nothing's open and we should be sleeping only we're not. At least he was handsome and in a good mood. The GOGs (Grandmothers of Griffin- Barbara, Lynn and Cindy) gave it to us for his Birthday and we can't wait to install it once Jake finishes his PhD in car seat installation and passes his Boards. I think I'd rather perform open heart surgery in a closet, in the dark, than install a carseat. The directions are worse than IKEA and if you screw it up your baby is in horrible peril. (I am refraining from hyperbole here because the thought is entirely too awful.) Anyway, props to the GOGs and to Aunt Kimmie for suggesting the functional, yet attractive, carseat.

Now I have to run and see if my friend Jessica wins Survivor. Either way she made it to the final five and that requires some effort. Geaux Sugar!

More Firsts

There are all the obvious cliche firsts- first smile, first steps- and then there are the sterling moments of childhood where you see the lightbulb go off over your kid's head and the thought bubble reads, "oooooohh.... this is fun!"

Baby's first date with toilet paper.

Griffin's First First Birthday Party

We celebrated Griffin's first First Birthday Party yesterday. Since G Dawg is a bi-coastal (not to be confused with bi-curious) boy, we hosted an Oakland fete Saturday afternoon. It was a veritable "Who's Who" of Bay Area Babies, notably Lilah and Trinity, and a variety of grown-ups and a dog. Griffin wowed all of the guests with his impressive toddling skills and his utter disinterest in opening presents. Check back next year to see if Little G has gotten the gift-shredding bug that seems to afflict 99.9% of all children.

At no point during the party did Griffin scream or bang his head on the floor, so I consider the event a success!

Griffin and his betrothed. They are very nonchalant about their future arranged marriage.

Griffin's frequent playdate, Trinity M. (Griffin and Lilah are in an "open betrothal" and we encourage them to have playdates with other babies.)


Ave, Sam and Lilah trucked it in to the East Bay for the occasion. Lilah smiled at Jake, nursed frequently and spit up on Andie, so I take that to mean she was having a good time.


Joell got us the cutest little cake at Whole Foods. You could tell someone was excited to get to decorate the cake with bugs, the sliced almond wings on the bees were too adorable. The cake was chocolate and the icing was cream cheese and only used natural colors. We don't want Griffin's first experience with refined sugar to be too wild. He didn't eat much cake, though, he preferred to massage a cupcake and rub the buttercream into his scalp.

Mmmmm... Pureed Chard

Did I mention that Jake is an organic babyfood guru and is incessantly pureeing any sort of leafy greens to feed to our child? And Griffin, he gobbles them up, especially when Jake is on the other end of the spoon. Sometimes, when I'm the one shoveling in the chard, he smiles charmingly at me and goes, "pppttttttttttttttttttttt."

Santa Claus is Comin' to Town

Most of our attempts to dress Griffin up and take adorable pictures of him have been thwarted. Family pictures are even worse. At least one of us looks possessed or tweaked in every picture. There's something about becoming a parent that makes you act like an absolute buffoon whenever you want your kid to smile for the f'n camera. If you don't caper about like the village idiot on acid, your kid starts crying or crawling away. One moment your darling angel is smiling beatifically but by the time you get the Nikon, he looks like a demented gargoyle or has started to cry because you stopped entertaining him to find the camera.

At least I got a cute little Santa, haulin' sled across the floor. I thought it might get you in the spirit of the holidays!

Because I am the Queen of Non-Sequiturs, I'll sign off by saying that the Mexican Jumping Beans are making way too much freaking noise, although I've learned to expect such asinine behavior from larvae.

All Apologies

Hello Griffin Aficionados,

I am truly sorry I have kept you in the dark about Griffin's latest accomplishments. He has been up to all kinds of important things like getting teeth (hella teeth) and walking around like Little Mister Walky Pants. Blogging about all of these amazing developments has been thwarted by a bunch of dumb grad school assignments, most of which are the graduate level equivalent of busy work. Please file all complaints at the following address:

University of San Francisco
Teacher Credentialing Program
2130 Fulton Street, LMR
San Francisco, CA 94117-0148

HAPPY TURKEY DAY

Happy Thanksgiving to all y'all! We are thankful for you! And of course, we are thankful for Griffin Potamus!

A Boy and His Cat

Griffin and Jez have a special relationship based on mutual respect and some weird feline/baby pheromone thing. She has known Jake her whole life and has grown to expect some rough loving. Now that Son of Jake is old enough to mob her, she is quite prepared to tolerate it.

woo hoo zoo!

Last week we took Griffin to the zoo so he could see all the animals that usually hang from his mobile, his play gym and his bouncy chair. The Oakland Zoo is pretty nice and feels more like a habitat than an animal jail. Griffin watched the animals intently, gazing at giraffes, hooting at the meercats. The animals were great but I was more interested in everyone else's babies and baby gear.

Every Mom, baby and stroller in Alameda county were there. There were teensy newborns (newborn twins!) chubby five month-olds, Griffinish boos struggling in their strollers, skilled toddlers, preschoolers and one little girl who told all the other kids on the play structure that she was gonna be "God's girlfriend" when she grows up. There were Gracos, Maclarens, tons of double wides and even a Bugaboo Chameleon (those sell for $899- it does everything but your taxes!) Between that and the meerkats eating worms out of a pumpkin, our zoo trip was terribly exciting. I got the Bugaboo Mom's digits while I coveted her sexy stroller.

Griffin was entertained by the animals and kept wanting to touch them. Sorry honey, the Sun Bear does not want to be touched. I suspected the giraffe would be especially tempting since he often likes to chew on their heads- ask Sophie or the one he ripped off his mobile. Luckily there was a petting zoo and a pleasant little goat came over and presented his rump for Griffin to pet. Please ignore my asinine commentary. I really should shut up when I film the baby.


We topped the afternoon off with two rides on the carousel (one with Mom, one with Dad) and then a family trip on the dinky little train that goes around the zoo. As usual, Griffin looked traumatized by the merry-go-round and Jake and I looked like we had been drinking the KoolAid.


Whew. Jake and I were exhausted! Griffin, however, was so stimulated he refused to nap. Its tough being a baby. Or his parents.

Matroyshka Mayhem

Did I mention that Griffin is a guy? Even at eleven months he already enjoys knocking dolls over and bouncing them around the rug. Look at the glee with which he mauls the little nesting dolls and shows them no mercy. Nest this, beeyatch! Like a tiny Al Capone, he took them all out systematically, no one left to tell the tale. He even cleaved the ringleaders in two! Griffin is nothing if not thorough.

For Christmas I want to get him a nice doll to hang out with. Not a plastic baby doll, but a cool, cloth little boy doll to be his buddy. I have a little fella in mind for him. Hopefully it will curb his aggressive, mobish tendencies (he's a chip off the old block) and maybe having a doll may prepare him for the eventuality of a sibling (perhaps in 2010.) I'd like to get at least a week of solid, uninterrupted rest before I consider reproducing for a second time. It's the little things...

The Grudge

I know I keep making the baby/horror movie connection, and this may upset some people, but it's not my fault Griffin likes to make creepy noises.

Have you ever seen the movie "The Grudge"? This is the sound the monsters make when they are up to Very Bad Things. Griffin makes this sound when he is pleased with himself. So far he has not attempted to eat our brains or steal our souls (deadbydawn, deadbydawn) but I am keeping an eye on him. Mama has seen a lot of movies and I'm prepared to call the pediatrician at the first sign of demonic possession or zombie fever.

Lovely Miss Lilah

I know we're supposed to be blogging about our own babies, but I ran into this super-cute baby and her parents at a wedding and I just had to post it! Although, if Ave objects to public posting of her nursing, I will have to remove the photo. You can, however, just wait outside Tartine Bakery for a glimpse...
Not only is Lilah adorable, but she's also functional when it comes to feeding herself! Luckily the bride has some nice tatas, otherwise she might have felt upstaged by Lilah's Mom.

Baby Einstein

Not to brag, but Griffin reads at a fourteen month old level. He is a gentleman and a scholar. He knows how to turn pages and shout at the picture of the kitten and sometimes he even likes to taste his books. Griffin is a multi-sensory kind of guy. He likes to look closely at the animals and compare them, but he only talks to the cats- the tiger, lion and kitten. He doesn't have much experience talking to zebras and I hear they're easily offended.

As a primary educator, it pleases me to no end that my little ball of fire will sit and look at his books for upwards of seven minutes, even when he isn't confined to a chair. Seven minutes is an eternity for a ten month old! He'll be reading Tolkien in Kindergarten! Every teacher mom secretly fears that their kid will be the one in the back stuffing erasers up his nose, so I'm thrilled that Griffin digs his books. Sure he likes to lick them, but I think that qualifies as early phonemic awareness.

Caught on Tape: East Bay Devil Frog

The East Bay Devil Frog was recently spotted on an Oakland carpet. A local woman unfortunately provoked the dangerous creature and much whining ensued. Don't panic! Just as our intrepid heroine was charged by the enraged amphibian, he was distracted by a floor puff. She got away, but the floor puff wasn't so lucky.

Wild America

This is how many animals (and my husband) feed their young. I can see Jake and Griffin in a few years running barefoot and feral through the Northern California wilderness taking down small deer and various orchard fruits.

HOORAY!!!

Election night was highly exciting. Even though we'd already voted through the mail, Griffin and I walked down to the local polling station to watch the voters do their thing. We watched little old ladies and scantily clad teenagers (eighteen and a half) go into the church and cast their ballots. We talked to the nice NO on Prop 8 lady across the street. Basically, we just took it all in and took a break from CNN.

Jake was on his way into to town (he was sent up to Mendo to vote) and Joell came over with a bottle of Patron and a dozen limes. Griffin decided to stay up late until after the polls closed and sure enough, at 8:01, CNN calls the election for Obama! At that exact moment, Jake pulled up in the driveway and all the neighbors began hooting and whistling. Oakland was very festive. Despite a strong desire to celebrate with the community, Griffin needed a bath. Alas.

Impish? Who? Me?

Some folks have been saying that Griffin looks a bit impish and I have no clue where on earth they might be getting this idea. Don't all babies look like Yard Gnomes?

Incoming Griffin Montage

This is but a smidgen of our Goofy Griffin collection. There is no end to this kid's goofiness. I wonder where he gets it...

Boo Y'all!

Thanks to Granny Lynn, Griffin is a silly little tree frog this year. I was going to make some "Poison Dart Frog" markings, to remind people to get their own damn cute baby and stop grabbing mine, but I never got the time. At least Jake and I carved jack-o-lanterns during afternoon nap. (Pictures to come.)
Not surprisingly, the East Bay Devil Frog is also a DJ. Griffin is mixing some jungle trance for you on his hella cool DJ table. Thanks to Ryder for kicking it down to his bro G Dawg!

Despite a complete lack of actual teeth (aarrggh) Griffin still manages to enjoy the spoils of his Trick-or-Treating. We don't actually let him open the packages. He's gnawing on a 3 Musketeers as we speak.

Boo to You!

Last year, Griffin the Bump was part of his Mom's Halloween costume. He was playing the part of Jayden James Federline and he did a great job of being a mid-sized bump. This year he's going as a green tree frog, but he can't put his outfit on until it's time to go Trick or Treating, as it would be covered in dust bunnies after ten minutes.We are all ready for Halloween. We're carving pumpkins during nap time (little babies, big knives...) and after dinner we'll take little G down the street to a house or two. I think the real excitement will be opening our front door and staring at the big children in their costumes.


There will be more Halloween to come and we'll have some little froggie pictures up soon!

This is my future here, buddy!

GRIFFIN WANTS YOU TO VOTE!!!

Griffin is so excited about the upcoming election that he's helping put his Mama's paper ballot into the mailbox. He's been avidly following the debates and has been known to throw strained carrots at the TV when he sees Sarah Palin. He heard a rumor in his play group that she eats babies and lives under the bed and steals floor puffs. I understand his fear.

FOR YOU!

GRIFFIN PICKED THIS CHAIR PUFF JUST FOR YOU!
(yes, my baby is like Matthew McConaughey-
he don't need no stinkin' shirt!)

Hay Baby

Griffin is gearing up for his first Halloween. Only he doesn't know it or have any teeth to eat his candy, or anything else, for that matter. Maybe one day.His crawling skills are stepping up and he's much sturdier when he's bipedal (clinging to fingers, of course.) I just know my boy's gonna be the kind of guy to walk around and have teeth one day! A Mom can dream, can't she?

Silly Babies

Griffin likes to be silly. It is fortunate because his parents and grandparents are all very silly people. Even the cat is a silly person.

Loco Mamas

You know you're starting to go a little bananas when you find yourself in your child's closet frantically pounding pegs into holes. Then you flip the thing over and pound some more pegs. Flip. Pound. Flip. Pound. Flip. Pound.

Do I like the noise? The whacking? The sense of accomplishment when the pegs go away? Have I turned into a giant toddler just by association?

Please God, please give my baby a toof!

Puffs Galore

Now that Griffin has started on finger foods (specifically he eats puffs) puffs are everywhere. Puffs are kind of like Cheerios only they dissolve in your mouth like a cheese puff- perfect for the discriminating toothless ten month old. Puffs have moved onto the radar big time at our house. Puffs are the new black.

Like Eskimos (native Alaskans?) we now have dozens of words for puffs including

FLOOR PUFFS




CHAIR PUFFS


FOREHEAD PUFF
(not shown: Buttpuff, Puff Cup, Kitty Puff a.k.a. kibble)

Do not fret, Griffin supporters, a toof is on the horizon. The lumpy, pointy, toothy thing is much more prominent now and is either:
a.) a tooth
b.) nest of spider's eggs

I am hoping it is a tooth. Interestingly enough, it is not the typical first tooth (top or bottom front,) it appears to be further down on the left side, likely a fang or the front tooth's side kick. Apparently I have never learned proper names for teeth. I predict that by Halloween we can just put Griffin on the front porch instead of bothering to carve a jack-o-lantern.

J is for Jezebel

Griffin and Jezebel get along fabulously. I really thought she was going to smother him and steal his breath, like a Steven King novel, but instead she's a caring older sister. Jez loves to hang out with G and so far, they haven't had an altercation. I'm pretty surprised to tell you the truth.

We aren't holding out much hope for the Purrmaster 3000, though. She never likes anyone.

I'll Make It A True Daily Double

Now, I know children under two shouldn't be watching television, but I don't think it's gonna hurt too much if G Dawg watches a little Jeopardy while he eats his butternut squash. My Dad and I always watched Jeopardy together and knowing all those trivial tidbits sure does make you feel better about your liberal arts degree.
I'll take the pureed butternut squash for $400, Alex.

Dad is cool.

Griffin thinks his Dad is cool. Dad has greater baby walking stamina and doesn't do terrible, awful, horrible things to him like wipe his face, put him to bed and prevent him from standing in the bathtub. Plus, Dad has a beard and everybody knows beards are cool.

Griffin and his Mom had a rough spot earlier this week. G Dawg was still cranky, toothy and sniffling when I caught a nasty stomach bug. Monday night was a mess. Hours spent sleeping:2. Hours spent in bathroom:4. Jake was out of town so I unfortunately had to hold it together. There were some tough times. I think I have a new Badge of Motherhood coming my way- Parented Solo Through Stomach Bug.

We are past it now and looking ahead.

Did I mention Griffin really likes Jake?

The Dude Abides

My baby is a dude. Watch as he sprawls in Jake's new LSU chair in a diaper and a stained bib, sloshing his milk all over himself and lewdly fondling the Born Free nipple. You may also notice he is asking for Dada and watching what sounds like Ultimate Fighting. I think this is what goes on when I am at class. They are male bonding. It must be good for them.

Thanks to Grammy Barb for the LSU chair for Jake's 31st Birthday, we all like to sit in it. Today one of my third graders said "thirty-oneth," it was hella funny. Since I'm in a third grade classroom every week, I often wonder what Griffin is going to be like when he is in third grade...

Spike

Guess who has enough hair to fauxhawk? Doesn't he look like Spike from Gremlins?

In case you were wondering, G Dawg's taking a bath in his inflatable duck tub that quacks when you squeeze the beak. Where were inflatable duck tubs in 1978? I'm surprised we made it.

When Puppets Attack-Part 17

Just cause I didn't want anyone to start their week off worried that Griffin isn't smiling, here's a video of a griffin mauling Griffin. He used to just passively accept being mauled by puppets and stuffed animals, but now he fights back, or just giggles a bunch.

Just One Toof?

I think the baby is about to cut a tooth. Either that, or my darling son has been replaced with a faerie changeling child that is bent on destroying my soul and ruining my spine. Jake's out of town today, but Griffin was working him like a mule before he left. Jake has it easy, chopping wood all day and doing heavy manual labor. Back home, Griffin is seriously cracking the whip! Come within ten feet of my baby and he will make you walk him up and down the street for hours and still not be satisfied.

There are toys and kitchen utensils all over my house. Piles of toys and other Griffin-placating paraphernalia (yogurt lids, baby spoons, a whisk, a seashell) litter the floor. I toss out these offerings to the tiny, wrathful ankle-biter scuttling around the rug in the hopes that he won't yell at me or make me walk him again. (Dear God, anything but more hunchbacked babywalking!) No matter how many measuring cups, or plastic keys, or organic cotton chew toys I give him, though, he still manages to find a dime under the rug.

Griffin didn't want to sleep today. His naps were a measly 2.0 on the Richter scale of naps, I barely got the bottles rinsed and ate some hummus. Now that it's (finally) bedtime, I can't work on my master's project or clean the house, all I can do is sprawl on the bed and watch nature shows.

I'll feel totally justified if we just get a tooth soon. One little tooth will make me feel a whole lot better. That will explain G Dawg's shoddy naps and frequent impressions of a heroin addict in the brutal throes of detox. He has several prominent bumps under his gums, so this lends itself more towards the teething theory than the Sid Vicious Reincarnation Theory. Poor boo, Griffin is usually the Best Behaved Baby in the Universe, so we're new to this "parenting is super-hard" bit.

Tomorrow is another day. This too shall pass. Insert inspirational quote here.

Mobility Woes

Mobility changes everything. A mobile baby is a filthy baby, covered in floor funk and cat fur. A mobile baby is also a bruised, dinged-up, wailing baby. Mobile babies have tired parents with debilitating lower back pain from holding tiny fingers while very busy little people run all over the house.

Griffin's new gig is walking. If he is not walking, he is really angry. He HATES not walking. Not walking makes Griffin scream. Have I mentioned that he can't walk by himself? Jake and I are stooped and gnarled like witches from Grimm's now that the baby demands constant walking. Griffin's not much better. Now that he is constantly pulling himself up on things, mobbing furniture and cruising the coffee table, he keeps falling down and bumping his melon. Griffin's head looks like a late season apricot- it's fuzzy, peachy, and covered in tiny bruises, bumps and scratches.

Is he going anywhere in particular?

Not at all. He just likes to check out the scene- he walks into a room, looks around, pivots, walks out, goes into the hall, checks out the baby in the mirror, head butts him, pivots, goes into the closet, chews a scarf, pivots, walks outside, stomps on crunchy leaves, pivots....

Griffin is a Sagittarius, it's not about the destination, it's the adventure you have on the way that counts.

Zombie Baby

Did I mention that the baby does a mean zombie impression? He was conceived after watching a fabulously vile zombie movie and I watched them all throughout my pregnancy. It's not surprising he growls and bites noses!

Although they don't mention it in What to Expect When You're Expecting, there is something very undead about newborns. It may sound contradictory, but babies are an awful lot like zombies. They are the raging id- they want what they want and they want it NOW. And sometimes what they want are your bodily fluids. A rooting infant, drunk on breast milk behaves a lot like a starving zombie that wants to feast on your brains. They make the same noises and very similar facial expressions, especially at three in the morning. The main difference is that with a zombie, you really need to bash its brains in with a shovel; quickly, efficiently and thoroughly. Babies, on the other hand, need to be cuddled and loved and fed all the best foods and kissed and tickled and taken to the park to play. Don't try that with a zombie.

Cruising

Just in case you haven't seen how fast L'il Geezer can cruise, strap yourself in and hang on! Mister Baby loves to chase important things like cell phones, remote controls, wallets and keys. So far, we've had to replace Jake's cell (drool in the key pad) and Griffin has set off the panic alarm on my car on two separate occasions. Since we live in Oakland, I am pretty used to the constant BEEP BEEP BBBEEEEPPPP! of car alarms and the first time G Dawg set mine off, I sat there for a few minutes thinking, "What asshole is letting their car alarm go off at nine o'clock at night??"

Oh, yeah, that would be me. Nice.

Parking

Griffin likes to go to the park. There are girls at the park and girls like to talk to Griffin. Two, twelve, forty-three- little G does well in all markets. While he's at the park, Griffin enjoys swinging (sort of), pulling grass, watching older kids, crawling in the opposite direction and holding on to Dad's fingers while kicking a soccer ball.

Hair Envy?

Since Griffin doesn't have any of his own hair or teeth, he has taken to exploring everyone else's face with sticky and insistent fingers. This has mixed results. Ask Ryder. Monday's Saints game proved upsetting for Griffin and his buddy's ringlets were too tempting to pass up.

My face is breaking out like a seventh grader's because I am always being grabbed, pulled, poked or my nose is being angrily gummed. Griffin has no sense of boundaries- if he's not biting my nose, he's cramming his thumb up my nostril or trying to pull out my tongue. It's the Spanish Inquisition ten times a day! I think G's been kind of a jerk lately because he's frustrated he can't do anything cool. He's pissed off he can't walk and doesn't have any teeth. If he could just run around the yard and eat a taco, he'd be thrilled!

It's tough being nine-and-a-half months, bald and toothless. Griffin's enthusiasm far exceeds his skills when it comes to mobility. I'm sure he'll be scampering about in another month or two, but that might as well be 100 years from now for someone with no sense of time and places to go and cats to harass.

G Dawg & Ryder

Griffin and Ryder were hanging tough at the Trout Farm this weekend, looking at books and putting things in their mouths. Mmmm.... floor lint.........

Baby's First Cold

We brought Griffin home from Mendo with his very own cold. Now he has a sniffy nose, snotty head and crusty attitude. Poor fella. He and his buddy Ryder were sharing more than just love, they were sharing sippy cups. Alas, how do you explain to the baby that Ryder's post nasal drip is not a good souvenir of our weekend in the country.

All Griffin, All the Time

Seeing as how blogging about your offspring is all the rage and all the coolest folks under five have their own blog, it only made sense to keep griffinphiles updated in a new media. At this point, all my Mommy musings are scattered around myspace, facebook and a ridiculous number of emails- it makes sense to consolidate them. Not to mention, the fact that my once hip myspace blog has been reduced to details of spit up and sticky fingerprints. This way, only the friends, relatives and other Griffin enthusiasts who like this sort of silliness can tune in. Everyone else can remain blissfully unaware of Mister Baby's latest and greatest developments- among those are cruising, creeping and amusing zombie impersonations. I'll keep you posted and fill in some old, post-date Griffin tales as I go.