Boo Y'all!

Thanks to Granny Lynn, Griffin is a silly little tree frog this year. I was going to make some "Poison Dart Frog" markings, to remind people to get their own damn cute baby and stop grabbing mine, but I never got the time. At least Jake and I carved jack-o-lanterns during afternoon nap. (Pictures to come.)
Not surprisingly, the East Bay Devil Frog is also a DJ. Griffin is mixing some jungle trance for you on his hella cool DJ table. Thanks to Ryder for kicking it down to his bro G Dawg!

Despite a complete lack of actual teeth (aarrggh) Griffin still manages to enjoy the spoils of his Trick-or-Treating. We don't actually let him open the packages. He's gnawing on a 3 Musketeers as we speak.

Boo to You!

Last year, Griffin the Bump was part of his Mom's Halloween costume. He was playing the part of Jayden James Federline and he did a great job of being a mid-sized bump. This year he's going as a green tree frog, but he can't put his outfit on until it's time to go Trick or Treating, as it would be covered in dust bunnies after ten minutes.We are all ready for Halloween. We're carving pumpkins during nap time (little babies, big knives...) and after dinner we'll take little G down the street to a house or two. I think the real excitement will be opening our front door and staring at the big children in their costumes.


There will be more Halloween to come and we'll have some little froggie pictures up soon!

This is my future here, buddy!

GRIFFIN WANTS YOU TO VOTE!!!

Griffin is so excited about the upcoming election that he's helping put his Mama's paper ballot into the mailbox. He's been avidly following the debates and has been known to throw strained carrots at the TV when he sees Sarah Palin. He heard a rumor in his play group that she eats babies and lives under the bed and steals floor puffs. I understand his fear.

FOR YOU!

GRIFFIN PICKED THIS CHAIR PUFF JUST FOR YOU!
(yes, my baby is like Matthew McConaughey-
he don't need no stinkin' shirt!)

Hay Baby

Griffin is gearing up for his first Halloween. Only he doesn't know it or have any teeth to eat his candy, or anything else, for that matter. Maybe one day.His crawling skills are stepping up and he's much sturdier when he's bipedal (clinging to fingers, of course.) I just know my boy's gonna be the kind of guy to walk around and have teeth one day! A Mom can dream, can't she?

Silly Babies

Griffin likes to be silly. It is fortunate because his parents and grandparents are all very silly people. Even the cat is a silly person.

Loco Mamas

You know you're starting to go a little bananas when you find yourself in your child's closet frantically pounding pegs into holes. Then you flip the thing over and pound some more pegs. Flip. Pound. Flip. Pound. Flip. Pound.

Do I like the noise? The whacking? The sense of accomplishment when the pegs go away? Have I turned into a giant toddler just by association?

Please God, please give my baby a toof!

Puffs Galore

Now that Griffin has started on finger foods (specifically he eats puffs) puffs are everywhere. Puffs are kind of like Cheerios only they dissolve in your mouth like a cheese puff- perfect for the discriminating toothless ten month old. Puffs have moved onto the radar big time at our house. Puffs are the new black.

Like Eskimos (native Alaskans?) we now have dozens of words for puffs including

FLOOR PUFFS




CHAIR PUFFS


FOREHEAD PUFF
(not shown: Buttpuff, Puff Cup, Kitty Puff a.k.a. kibble)

Do not fret, Griffin supporters, a toof is on the horizon. The lumpy, pointy, toothy thing is much more prominent now and is either:
a.) a tooth
b.) nest of spider's eggs

I am hoping it is a tooth. Interestingly enough, it is not the typical first tooth (top or bottom front,) it appears to be further down on the left side, likely a fang or the front tooth's side kick. Apparently I have never learned proper names for teeth. I predict that by Halloween we can just put Griffin on the front porch instead of bothering to carve a jack-o-lantern.

J is for Jezebel

Griffin and Jezebel get along fabulously. I really thought she was going to smother him and steal his breath, like a Steven King novel, but instead she's a caring older sister. Jez loves to hang out with G and so far, they haven't had an altercation. I'm pretty surprised to tell you the truth.

We aren't holding out much hope for the Purrmaster 3000, though. She never likes anyone.

I'll Make It A True Daily Double

Now, I know children under two shouldn't be watching television, but I don't think it's gonna hurt too much if G Dawg watches a little Jeopardy while he eats his butternut squash. My Dad and I always watched Jeopardy together and knowing all those trivial tidbits sure does make you feel better about your liberal arts degree.
I'll take the pureed butternut squash for $400, Alex.

Dad is cool.

Griffin thinks his Dad is cool. Dad has greater baby walking stamina and doesn't do terrible, awful, horrible things to him like wipe his face, put him to bed and prevent him from standing in the bathtub. Plus, Dad has a beard and everybody knows beards are cool.

Griffin and his Mom had a rough spot earlier this week. G Dawg was still cranky, toothy and sniffling when I caught a nasty stomach bug. Monday night was a mess. Hours spent sleeping:2. Hours spent in bathroom:4. Jake was out of town so I unfortunately had to hold it together. There were some tough times. I think I have a new Badge of Motherhood coming my way- Parented Solo Through Stomach Bug.

We are past it now and looking ahead.

Did I mention Griffin really likes Jake?

The Dude Abides

My baby is a dude. Watch as he sprawls in Jake's new LSU chair in a diaper and a stained bib, sloshing his milk all over himself and lewdly fondling the Born Free nipple. You may also notice he is asking for Dada and watching what sounds like Ultimate Fighting. I think this is what goes on when I am at class. They are male bonding. It must be good for them.

Thanks to Grammy Barb for the LSU chair for Jake's 31st Birthday, we all like to sit in it. Today one of my third graders said "thirty-oneth," it was hella funny. Since I'm in a third grade classroom every week, I often wonder what Griffin is going to be like when he is in third grade...

Spike

Guess who has enough hair to fauxhawk? Doesn't he look like Spike from Gremlins?

In case you were wondering, G Dawg's taking a bath in his inflatable duck tub that quacks when you squeeze the beak. Where were inflatable duck tubs in 1978? I'm surprised we made it.

When Puppets Attack-Part 17

Just cause I didn't want anyone to start their week off worried that Griffin isn't smiling, here's a video of a griffin mauling Griffin. He used to just passively accept being mauled by puppets and stuffed animals, but now he fights back, or just giggles a bunch.

Just One Toof?

I think the baby is about to cut a tooth. Either that, or my darling son has been replaced with a faerie changeling child that is bent on destroying my soul and ruining my spine. Jake's out of town today, but Griffin was working him like a mule before he left. Jake has it easy, chopping wood all day and doing heavy manual labor. Back home, Griffin is seriously cracking the whip! Come within ten feet of my baby and he will make you walk him up and down the street for hours and still not be satisfied.

There are toys and kitchen utensils all over my house. Piles of toys and other Griffin-placating paraphernalia (yogurt lids, baby spoons, a whisk, a seashell) litter the floor. I toss out these offerings to the tiny, wrathful ankle-biter scuttling around the rug in the hopes that he won't yell at me or make me walk him again. (Dear God, anything but more hunchbacked babywalking!) No matter how many measuring cups, or plastic keys, or organic cotton chew toys I give him, though, he still manages to find a dime under the rug.

Griffin didn't want to sleep today. His naps were a measly 2.0 on the Richter scale of naps, I barely got the bottles rinsed and ate some hummus. Now that it's (finally) bedtime, I can't work on my master's project or clean the house, all I can do is sprawl on the bed and watch nature shows.

I'll feel totally justified if we just get a tooth soon. One little tooth will make me feel a whole lot better. That will explain G Dawg's shoddy naps and frequent impressions of a heroin addict in the brutal throes of detox. He has several prominent bumps under his gums, so this lends itself more towards the teething theory than the Sid Vicious Reincarnation Theory. Poor boo, Griffin is usually the Best Behaved Baby in the Universe, so we're new to this "parenting is super-hard" bit.

Tomorrow is another day. This too shall pass. Insert inspirational quote here.

Mobility Woes

Mobility changes everything. A mobile baby is a filthy baby, covered in floor funk and cat fur. A mobile baby is also a bruised, dinged-up, wailing baby. Mobile babies have tired parents with debilitating lower back pain from holding tiny fingers while very busy little people run all over the house.

Griffin's new gig is walking. If he is not walking, he is really angry. He HATES not walking. Not walking makes Griffin scream. Have I mentioned that he can't walk by himself? Jake and I are stooped and gnarled like witches from Grimm's now that the baby demands constant walking. Griffin's not much better. Now that he is constantly pulling himself up on things, mobbing furniture and cruising the coffee table, he keeps falling down and bumping his melon. Griffin's head looks like a late season apricot- it's fuzzy, peachy, and covered in tiny bruises, bumps and scratches.

Is he going anywhere in particular?

Not at all. He just likes to check out the scene- he walks into a room, looks around, pivots, walks out, goes into the hall, checks out the baby in the mirror, head butts him, pivots, goes into the closet, chews a scarf, pivots, walks outside, stomps on crunchy leaves, pivots....

Griffin is a Sagittarius, it's not about the destination, it's the adventure you have on the way that counts.

Zombie Baby

Did I mention that the baby does a mean zombie impression? He was conceived after watching a fabulously vile zombie movie and I watched them all throughout my pregnancy. It's not surprising he growls and bites noses!

Although they don't mention it in What to Expect When You're Expecting, there is something very undead about newborns. It may sound contradictory, but babies are an awful lot like zombies. They are the raging id- they want what they want and they want it NOW. And sometimes what they want are your bodily fluids. A rooting infant, drunk on breast milk behaves a lot like a starving zombie that wants to feast on your brains. They make the same noises and very similar facial expressions, especially at three in the morning. The main difference is that with a zombie, you really need to bash its brains in with a shovel; quickly, efficiently and thoroughly. Babies, on the other hand, need to be cuddled and loved and fed all the best foods and kissed and tickled and taken to the park to play. Don't try that with a zombie.

Cruising

Just in case you haven't seen how fast L'il Geezer can cruise, strap yourself in and hang on! Mister Baby loves to chase important things like cell phones, remote controls, wallets and keys. So far, we've had to replace Jake's cell (drool in the key pad) and Griffin has set off the panic alarm on my car on two separate occasions. Since we live in Oakland, I am pretty used to the constant BEEP BEEP BBBEEEEPPPP! of car alarms and the first time G Dawg set mine off, I sat there for a few minutes thinking, "What asshole is letting their car alarm go off at nine o'clock at night??"

Oh, yeah, that would be me. Nice.

Parking

Griffin likes to go to the park. There are girls at the park and girls like to talk to Griffin. Two, twelve, forty-three- little G does well in all markets. While he's at the park, Griffin enjoys swinging (sort of), pulling grass, watching older kids, crawling in the opposite direction and holding on to Dad's fingers while kicking a soccer ball.

Hair Envy?

Since Griffin doesn't have any of his own hair or teeth, he has taken to exploring everyone else's face with sticky and insistent fingers. This has mixed results. Ask Ryder. Monday's Saints game proved upsetting for Griffin and his buddy's ringlets were too tempting to pass up.

My face is breaking out like a seventh grader's because I am always being grabbed, pulled, poked or my nose is being angrily gummed. Griffin has no sense of boundaries- if he's not biting my nose, he's cramming his thumb up my nostril or trying to pull out my tongue. It's the Spanish Inquisition ten times a day! I think G's been kind of a jerk lately because he's frustrated he can't do anything cool. He's pissed off he can't walk and doesn't have any teeth. If he could just run around the yard and eat a taco, he'd be thrilled!

It's tough being nine-and-a-half months, bald and toothless. Griffin's enthusiasm far exceeds his skills when it comes to mobility. I'm sure he'll be scampering about in another month or two, but that might as well be 100 years from now for someone with no sense of time and places to go and cats to harass.

G Dawg & Ryder

Griffin and Ryder were hanging tough at the Trout Farm this weekend, looking at books and putting things in their mouths. Mmmm.... floor lint.........

Baby's First Cold

We brought Griffin home from Mendo with his very own cold. Now he has a sniffy nose, snotty head and crusty attitude. Poor fella. He and his buddy Ryder were sharing more than just love, they were sharing sippy cups. Alas, how do you explain to the baby that Ryder's post nasal drip is not a good souvenir of our weekend in the country.

All Griffin, All the Time

Seeing as how blogging about your offspring is all the rage and all the coolest folks under five have their own blog, it only made sense to keep griffinphiles updated in a new media. At this point, all my Mommy musings are scattered around myspace, facebook and a ridiculous number of emails- it makes sense to consolidate them. Not to mention, the fact that my once hip myspace blog has been reduced to details of spit up and sticky fingerprints. This way, only the friends, relatives and other Griffin enthusiasts who like this sort of silliness can tune in. Everyone else can remain blissfully unaware of Mister Baby's latest and greatest developments- among those are cruising, creeping and amusing zombie impersonations. I'll keep you posted and fill in some old, post-date Griffin tales as I go.